In response to ever-increasing legal, political and economic pressure, the Department of Conservation, Energy and Natural Resources have released another glossy publication through their mouthpiece EirGrid.
The document is largely technical mumbo-jumbo on which I am not qualified to speak, and I look forward to my colleagues doing that. I restricted myself to reading the introduction to this grand document and interpreting it into language we can all understand.
The quotation is EirGrid speaking, the subsequent paragraph is my understanding.
“This draft strategy responds to feedback received from the public, as a key part of our renewed efforts to encourage greater participation in our decision-making process. It also reflects an updated view of the economic context, and incorporates our growing experience of promising new transmission technologies.”
The level of public opposition and ensuing political embarrassment has forced us, kicking and screaming, to adopt a different tack. Many commentators have pointed out that the level of expenditure we were intending will bankrupt this country, again, and EirGrid currently enjoys a similar credibility level as that enjoyed by Allied Irish Bank. In our desperation we have had another look at other technologies, most of which were suggested to us in 2008 but which we ignored, as our plans were set long before public consultation was even suggested. We will try and obscure the fact that these alternate technologies are no longer state-of-the-art and have been used in America for over a decade by making much of the fact that this will be the first time that they are used in Ireland, a bit like the oral contraceptive that was introduced into Ireland in 1985 (The Health (Family Planning) (Amendment) Act, 1985) despite being marketed to the world in 1960.
“The final strategy, to be published later this year, will support Ireland’s wider policy objectives; economic, environmental and social – including the Government’s Action Plan for Jobs and the IDA’s Regional Development Strategy.”
Oh shit, it’s the election next year, the economy is still in a mess and unemployment is really high, despite our manipulation of the jobs statistics. How do we justify spending billions into the pockets of our big business brethren when all they offer in return are a few short-term low-paid jobs digging foundations for wind turbines? We can’t, but let’s just kick for touch at the moment, there’s still over a year to go and maybe things will pick up or we can engineer another sex scandal with Sinn Fein.
“In addition, it will take into account the views of communities and representative groups, whilst also ensuring sufficient capacity is available for regional economic development.”
Ha, you culchie eejits, why would we ever listen to you? We will continue to pretend to listen but believe us when we say it’s full steam ahead with the wind farms and the monster pylons to service them.
“In managing the overall cost, we will do our part to ensure that Ireland remains competitive – fostering economic growth, attracting new investments, and supporting indigenous jobs.”
In our efforts to supplement our already scandalous pensions we will continue to destroy the food industry, the tourist industry, and the racehorse industry, not to mention destroying numerous scenic areas, historical monuments, and let’s not forget the health of our citizens and their children. All this to create electricity for export despite nobody wanting it at our incredibly expensive Irish prices.
“As we considered the options for our new strategy we faced a key question: How do we balance all these considerations? We have to ensure that our plans meet Ireland’s electricity needs, without placing too great a burden on communities, or too high a cost on industry. How much investment is needed to adequately future-proof the grid? Too little investment now may have negative economic impacts in the future.”
We need to be careful not to show our hand too early and create massive public opposition. Sure, those eejits at Irish Water are classic examples of that. No, we need to sell slurry as if it’s chocolate pudding, and appear reasonable and honest to boot. That’s a tall order, but sure, that’s why we have all these expensive PR firms charging us millions, and anyway, those poor fools don’t understand the levy figures on their ESB bill.
“We want to deliver best value for the Irish people. We will build new infrastructure only when this is the right solution. We will select appropriate technology to get more from existing grid infrastructure, depending on the needs and circumstances in each case.”
We want to make ourselves tons of money in the short-term (before we are voted out) and are willing to walk on dead bodies to do it. We will build what we want, where we want it, anytime we bloody well feel like it – the planning laws are a joke.
“In summary: We will do more with the existing grid and make it work harder – before we build new transmission infrastructure.”
Those people in Waterford are a pain in the hole and we need to reconsider our strategy there – hopefully we can shut them up by flogging them old American technology which we can pick up for a song and install before they realise it emits even more cancer-causing radiation than the pylons. As far as the North-South interconnector is concerned, screw them – we have the planners in our pocket and it’s full steam ahead.